Are you “the wife”?

Looking out my front door.

Words have meaning and they have power.  They can set people free or they can help a nation come to terms with its grief. Words can lift us to our highest apirations or they can belittle those we look down upon. 

Peggy Noonan has said that writing is thinking.  When writing, one gets to reflect, to edit, to choose just the right word to convey one’s thought.  One can state a bedrock conviction or hint at things without drawing sharp lines.  Words can construct dark myths or reflect the sunrise.  Words can bestow respect or imply control.

The words a writer chooses can betray him and reveal how he feels -- how he sees the world.  The words a person writes can reveal how he sees his relationship to others.  If he does not do the thinking that Noonan recommends, he can reveal more than he would actually admit when directly asked.

As eyes can be the windows to one’s soul, the words one chooses can be the windows to one’s attitudes.

When I read a stratement such as “I’m going to watch a movie with the wife”, I wonder just how the writer relates to the woman he married.  Is she a partner...an appendage...an equal? Or is she seen as a possession such as “the car” or “the couch”?

If, at another time, the same writer  says “The wife won’t remove the dryer lint”, I think the  writer’s point of view is revealed. It gives the reader a glimpse into the attitude of at least one-half of that reationship.

Had my former significant other referred to me as ‘the wife’ he would be sleeping on “the couch” for many nights.  Had he again not been willing to claim me as “my wife”, thereby declaring to all that we were united without implying any inequality, he would have found himself with no shelter except for “the car”.  I can be possessed by a husband, just as I possess him, but I will not be a husband’s possession.  Nor will I be objectified.

So how would you feel if your husband referred to you as “the wife”?

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Robin O'Neil October 15, 2012 at 08:37 PM
Tough words to be expected from someone (DL)who has clearly been singled out so pointedly. A common trap of blogging is reading someones ideas and feeling we now know enough about them to launch an attack. This is a great example of falling in that trap Linda in that you are calling out this guys use of the term "wife" as if she is victimized. in fact the reference may be an "endearing" or such term they have as she follows/supports his Blogging experience. if I were to fall into this trap I would say that in following postings by DL something has been triggered in your own life . But alas I do realize i dont know you well enough to psycho analize your intent in singling him out. My general guideline in online communication since we can't see eye to eye to know affect in each others faces nor hear the intonation in each others voices is to follow up with questions or concerns directly while reading any specific Blog. Otherwise we are left alone with our thoughts to interpret very differently the original intent. I happen to know DL & his wife and if you knew them too you would know that she is not who you've conjured in your Blog she is NOT "that wife"! She is wise beyond her years, is independently driven to succeed in the corporate world & on the lighter side master of her domain at times to arrive home when her husband has dinner on the table.
Susan Petroni (Editor) October 16, 2012 at 04:58 PM
Alex Francis I have deleted your post twice for bad language - if you post again I will suspend your use on Patch.
Chris Fisher October 16, 2012 at 08:42 PM
Zzzzz...more trash....
Dave Lenane October 16, 2012 at 08:51 PM
Susan, If all comments on blogs are supposed to be approved before posted then how come that isn't in effect for this particular post? Of course I have a vested interest in this as this whole post is a veiled attack on my marriage and how I feel about my wife. But I find my question to be exactly on point and relevant! How is it that this particular post has sidestepped the rules? I would appreciate a public answer on this one! Aside to Alex....I agree with you and share your sentiments. But let's have class and not drag ourselves down to their level.
Susan Petroni (Editor) October 16, 2012 at 09:28 PM
Dave: Patch HQ has granted some people "special status" and they can post at will without approval. All other posts on Framingham Patch need to be go through the "pending" process before approval
Dave Lenane October 16, 2012 at 09:56 PM
So then what makes some people special Susan? I mean before this "person" posted about how I feel about my wife , she had ZERO blog posts! You said to me yesterday that you had no idea who she was, so obviously something doesnt add up here.
Susan Petroni (Editor) October 16, 2012 at 10:27 PM
Well, Dave you know all about the "special" people, as YOU are one of them and your comment just posted without my approval.
Dave Lenane October 16, 2012 at 10:34 PM
Hell ya I'm special! I look at myself in the mirror everyday and tell myself so. But obviously I could post some pretty offensive things here and they would get posted and put on Patch's front page. And seeing how I agree with Alex's comments earlier, that surprises me.
Susan Petroni (Editor) October 16, 2012 at 10:36 PM
And I still have the right to delete anything offensive, which is what I did to Alex today and to countless others.
Dave Lenane October 16, 2012 at 10:43 PM
Well obviously to me this "lady" either works for the Patch and writes under a pseudonym, or is a friend to one of the editors. Zero...Nada...Zip blog posts before yesterday when she all of a sudden decided to write about my opinion of my wife. Then that post gets fast tracked and put on your front page. Stay classy there Patch! Stay Classy!
Susan Petroni (Editor) October 16, 2012 at 10:47 PM
Linda Worthy has been a contributor for a long time on the Milford Patch site ... http://milford-ma.patch.com/users/linda-worthy-2abcc826
Dave Lenane October 16, 2012 at 10:54 PM
Again Susan...with ZERO blog posts before this one was allowed yesterday. I might also point out that almost every recent post is aimed directly at me but was allowed to go personal by your site yesterday. I again respectfully submit that this is a pseudonym for a Patch editor to voice his/her opinion.


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